Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
