Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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