Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
