Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
