Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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