As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
