He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize