I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
