Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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