Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
