I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
