he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
