hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
