Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
