I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've blown a few things in my day
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
