is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
