Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
