we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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