this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
