This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So vagazzling was a success
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
