My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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