I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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