The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.