he told me I talked like a deaf person
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.