Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
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you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.