Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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