i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
