The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
