Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
