I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
