She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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