i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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