Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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