why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
