She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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