You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
