When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
