I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I could make wine with my vomit
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
