I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
