thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
