god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
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I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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