today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
