So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
