I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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