how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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