Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
