Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
