Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
