I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
