I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
