i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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