My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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