someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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