So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
