can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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