when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
