I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
