Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
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I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
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just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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