grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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