meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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