You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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