He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
