We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
