It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
