True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
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just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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