with your own penis?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
