do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
