I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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