I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
