Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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