he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
