It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
