Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
