Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
