this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
