At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
