Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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